How many of these women have you dated?
Cry-Baby Her Motto: “Waaaa!”The Trap: She makes you feel so guilty that you make promises you can’t keep just to stop her crying. She knows the power of tears. Unfortunately, so do you. The Solution: Wait her out. They are only tears, not bullets. Let her wail all she wants, you’re there while she’s wearing herself out. Being compassionate means being there for her, not caving in to what she wants. Making promises you can’t keep doesn’t make you a better man. Being yourself, even if she disapproves, and still being there for her is strong, manly stuff.
Old Yeller Her Motto: “F*ck you!”The Trap: You live in fear of her rages. Or, you shout back and have useless fights with her. The Solution: Don’t fight back. Don’t feed the fire. Understand what she’s saying. Tell her you see she is angry. Slow things down. Make specific requests of her – pin her down on one thing at a time and make specific small promises you can keep.
The Illogical Manipulator Her Motto: “I’ll be irrational and drive you nuts, then accuse you of being irrational and therefore WRONG.”The Trap: You argue with her crazy, illogical arguments, then to go insane standpoints – which she then uses as proof that you must be wrong. The Solution: She needs to be right, so tell her when she’s right – even if it kills you. Arguing with her point-for-point is useless; she isn’t logical. She uses what she calls”logic”to wear you down. Her goal? To make you flip out or give up. Admit that you are irrational by saying, “Sorry, but that’s just the way I feel.” That gets you out of her accusation that you are”irrational.”Keep staying with what you want; keep the mantra, “This is the way I feel, what can we do about it?” Eventually she’ll calm down. But logic and rationality never works here – only clear, simple persistence. She needs to be right and in control. Give her that as much as you can while maintaining clarity about what you want.
The Shaming Feminist Her Motto: “This is what men have been doing to women for thousands of years!”The Trap: You’ll feel guilty and ashamed about being a guy, and do whatever she wants to get her to back off. The Solution: Refuse to feel ashamed of what other men might have done to other women. Be proud of being a man. Remember how noble men are. Don’t argue on her terms – keep bringing the conversation back to specific events between the two of you – not some historical smorgasbord of male crimes that you had nothing to do with.
The Victim Her Motto: “You just don’t understand how hard it is to be me!”The Trap: She whines more than is humanly possible. She can’t see that she is totally committed to being helpless. You try to help and suddenly you “don’t understand” and “aren’t on her side.” After all, the universe is against her. The Solution: Don’t try to fix her problems. Let her learn her own lessons and realize that there is nothing you can do to make her handle things”the right way,”which is how you would handle them.
The Bedtime Brawler Her Motto: “Are you asleep? There’s something we need to talk about… [fill in the blank]”The Trap: Ending up in a horrible, middle-of-the-night fight. The Solution: Listen without fixing. Apologize if appropriate. Put her off until later. Give in on small stuff. Make promises you can keep. Show”emotional vulnerability,”and ask to be held without talking.