It’s Friday night. You’re at a bar with your girlfriends, drinking martinis and talking. Everywhere you look, good-looking men are standing with their own friends, laughing and looking around the room. No wedding bands that you can see. You want to make a connection. You’re hoping one of them will spot you among this room full of beautiful, available women and make a move, right?

Don’t wait for a man to pick you out of the crowd. Take the initiative! If you see a man you want to get to know, go talk to him. Strike up a conversation: ask him what he’s drinking, challenge him to a game of pool, or ask if he knows of any parties going on. For the shy girls, catch his eye, hold it for five seconds, smile, then look away. Do this a second time within a minute or two. These actions will go a long way in grabbing a man’s attention. Not only is this a good way to stand out in a crowd, but your self-confidence will shine like a beacon in the dim room.

If these things make you blush just thinking about it, take the easy road: play wingman to your more outgoing friend. The wingman’s goal is to help his or her friend in securing the person they are after, whether that is by talking about how great your friend is, entertaining the man’s friends so he can focus on your friend, or just by being there for support. In doing so, you have the option of getting to know the men without the pressure of trying to run the show yourself.

However, the most important way to ensure you draw men to you is to have a good time. No matter how beautiful a woman may be, if she scowls and pouts, she’s not likely to attract a man (or if she does, he will likely be turned off by her attitude shortly thereafter). I’ve heard attractive women complain time and time again, “I never get hit on at the bar!” Many times, it is because they give off a vibe that they are bored, disinterested, or just plain snobby. On the flip side, I have met women who were not considered as conventionally attractive as the others. Yet, their approachable, effervescent personalities drew men like moths to their bright spark.

Enjoy the night with your girlfriends, make jokes, smile, laugh, have a good time. You’ll come off as approachable and fun, and that is what men want when they go out with friends. Remember that you’ll have fun whether you meet a man or not. Your night out is first and foremost about hanging out and having a good time, right? Men are attracted to that self-assuredness that you will be happy whether they are around or not. Don’t rely on that possible connection to make or break your evening. That attitude is what will attract a man to you.

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